Tuesday, August 26, 2014


He's a sadist. That's something I really like actually. I don't know why. Maybe because ... it means he's a total bad-ass.

Or something.

His sadism used to scare me, when I first met him. I think it seemed like something weird and scary. Maybe uncontrolled. Maybe he was going to go on a rampage and tie me up and chainsaw me or worse.

Now I think I see it almost entirely as an extension of his dominance. Which is to say that he likes hurting me, because in our relationship he can do it and I have to let him.

I think he loves hurting me, just because he gets to. It's power, the power of knowing that I submit to the pain because it's a way of submitting to his dominance.

Maybe I'm wrong. This isn't something that he's actually said to me, but I'm always trying to see inside his head. Especially when he's hurting me.

Especially when I'm trying to distract myself from the pain.

1 comment:

  1. I have never figured out how to get inside of the head of my own personal dominant personality. It seems even more opaque nowadays. If you figure out what that path is, do let me know how you do it. Please!